Dreams and Birthdays

It is the coming of my birthday again. It also says that it is the coming of summer in Taiwan, officially, around the time of each year. Wow, time certainly has flown by very quickly since I came back to life in Taipei again.

This is a story from Buddhism. A hungry guy kept having some buns, he finally felt full by the time he finished six and a half buns. Then he thought “why don’t I just have the last half, it would have saved me lots of time eating and I could stop feeling hungry sooner”. I know we would be laughing by that silly idea by now, however, we all have been looking for the last half bun when we are feeling low, sad and lost.

I, too, have been looking for the last half since I have been back home. It’s been rather difficult for me to face all the rapid changes around me and face everything I had left behind me on purpose when I left Taipei. Therefore, I followed my rational side to get rid of the old Lydia and put up a new one, I tried to move to a new place, meet new friends, learn something new and go out with new faces. However, my heart hasn’t quite caught up since. In the end, I just became more confused about myself and “what next”.

I have decided to slow down and listen to my heart. I believe by starting a dialogue with my past will lead me to the last half bun.

A voice I’ve heard very clearly from my heart is the desire to simplify things around me. Every time I go and visit our schools, our kids will always come up and give me hugs. They would speak out things like: Teacher Lydia is here; Where have you been when you are not here; I like you, teacher Lydia. One time, a kid I have never met just came up to me and said “I like you, who are you?” I was truly impressed since I don’t think I could say something just like that even when I really like someone or I want to get to know someone.

At the era of multiple choices and millions of options, we might just want to be with someone or something that we are comfortable with and can make us laugh at the end of the day despite various expectations, preferences, beliefs and religions, this is my birthday wish.